It's only early February, but this is always the time of year when I start to feel spring creep her way into all the cracks that winter has left exposed. Little sprigs of green appear along the trail and even my flower beds are trying to stretch themselves awake. This winter has been lackluster in Virginia, so it only seems right that the familiar and friendly feelings of the new season are starting to emerge. It's only early February, but I'm no longer wishing for snow (well...maybe a little). It feels like it's time to turn a new page and start looking ahead to signs of life.
This year is going to be a BIG one for me and my loved ones. Lots of travel to be had, shows to attend, tasks to complete and goals for new projects. While this is incredibly exciting to anticipate, I'm not sure it's all hit me yet. I want to ground in before it all comes and goes faster than I can metabolize it; even with the excitement of spring's perhaps early arrival, it feels critical to slow down, steady myself, and embrace it all with the widest smile and open arms.
It's a really exciting and tender place to be, and I hope that you are somewhere similar. Even if your anticipations look a little different, I hope to reach out and invite you in to reflect and get excited together. Ask yourself: what are you looking forward to, no matter how small? How can you invite it in and be fully present when it arrives? And perhaps most importantly, what supports do you need to achieve this? (Happy to help - comment below and my DMs are open 💌)
I always like to begin with taking note of where I am in life right now, and what major themes are coming up around me. We used to do this once a month through my time capsule posts - which you can check out right here - but over the course of the past two years, I've realized it's not always so easy to pick out specific sensations, feelings, colors and patterns that define a point in time. Though it's nice and it feels organized, life is rarely steady enough to do allow on a regular basis. Rather than try to nail it down as often as possible, I'm preferring these days to simply observe in the moment and see what sticks out to me in a few months' time. So...right now, I am identifying as a sleepy, tender, feminine being. My skin is pale and my knuckles are a little cracked, despite it being a mild winter. My hair is in an awkward growing phase and I'm waiting for my bangs to grow out so they can always stay behind my ears. I'm ready for her to grow really long again, and for my curls to reform from their winter hibernation, and my natural dark brown to fill out. I'm ready for my partner to go through with his big chop - his hair is almost as long as mine. I think I'm in the best shape I've ever been in, but I did just take the entire last week off from the gym. No matter; I plan on doing some free-form dancing and yoga in my living room tonight, to celebrate the full moon in Leo.
What else is going on right now?
Anticipation, as I've mentioned, reigns over my subconscious. My dreams at night are brimming over with this flavor of excitement.
On the other hand, I'm trying not to blur the lines between anticipation and escapism. Work has been less enjoyable this year, and though I still love what I do, it has been wearing me down more often. Some coworkers are not working as a team and getting to a middle ground sometimes feels impossible. It's hard to play nice when others don't want to. It's hard to stay when the work isn't always fulfilling.
Where the heavy parts of life bog me down, music has been lifting me up in some surprising ways. I'm finding more attraction to EDM as of late, and Lil Yachty's new album is blowing my mind. I'm counting down the seconds to my first music festival experience in June, where I'm planning on visiting stages of every music genre out there. My days of being an indie kid might be over for now...
Smaller, day-to-day, long-term goals are finally settling themselves into my daily routine - finally feeling permanent and reachable. If not every day, more days than usual. Where there are setbacks, there is still so much growth. I'm trying to remind myself to look at the growth.
On a larger scale, looking at the communities and collective forces around me, I feel so much growth. I feel lasting strength. Even if we are tired, we have done so much.
It feels so appropriate to notice and call in more growth during this time of year, both celebrating the full moon and the nearing end of winter. I sincerely hope you feel it, too. Though the nights are long, life has been really good to me and those close to me, lately. Blessings abound. I am sending some your way. 🌱
Want a little more, in the form of a musical gift? I am still making monthly full moon playlists, but they are now exclusive to subscribers of Lead to Gold. These are really exciting for me to make each month, as I try to match the current energy of the season and blend it with a multi-genre experience of my favorite tunes. If you want in, just type in your email below and you'll get it monthly! No worries, I only send emails when a new blog post, podcast episode, or playlist comes out. I think you'll love them!
🤍,
Erin